In the beginning…

So here is the beginning of my journey.

As mentioned on the home page, for now I want to try and remain anonymous as I am still in the beginnings of this process and only a select few people in my life know about all of this.

To start with, I am in my late 30’s, divorced and have been single for about 6 years now. And strangely, I enjoy it. Yes there are times when I miss that comfort of a partner. And you know…the other stuff. But most of the time I am fine.

I was in a relationship with my now ex-husband for 11 years, married 4, which started when I was 18, he 29. Despite being the younger party, I always felt older than him in many ways. Maybe it’s the male/female maturity thing, maybe something else. I should have seen some of the red flags to begin with but he was my first real relationship. Yes I had dated in high school, and a bit after, but nothing serious.

Anyway, I may do another post at some stage on all of that, and the things I should have seen, but the general point of this is that I wanted to have kids. Or a kid. I think I’ve always been pretty content with having just one. I grew up an only child, and while I wanted a sibling when was younger, I’m glad I didn’t have one. That being said, I gained a half-sister on my bio-fathers side who I love to pieces and would hate to live my life without her in it. But I still consider myself as an only child. Something about having a sibling born when you are an adult makes it hard to shift the “only child” thoughts. I was 18 but I was then living out of home.

Anyway, back to the point, I wanted a child, my ex-husband and I tried. For about 3 years. I had some tests. Nothing invasive, and it wasn’t me. He had test, I don’t know what they were but he ended up seeing a counsellor after. I now know more about that but at the time, it was hard not to blame myself.

In the end we split and that is what leads me to my story today. I decided that I was sick of waiting for a man. I really don’t need one. I have bought and renovated my own home, I look after myself. I am a one woman show and I love it. So I started thinking about going down the sperm donor route a couple of years ago.

Not expecting to have much luck, I have been very surprised at how many women are doing/have done this. There are multiple Facebook groups that are fantastic and so supportive.

So what this blog is going to be is a bit of my journey with seeing the fertility clinic, my experiences with tests, psychology sessions, sperm donor banks, and everything in between. I have been unable to find many fully detailed websites/blogs on this. There are some, yes, but I wanting to put things together, not just for me, for my future child (fingers crossed), and for any other women wanting to go through this journey.